I gotta tell ya that I'm feeling conflicted about my running endeavors. It's like I want to just run a few times a week on my own and not worry abut a race and training for it and paying for it, but if I don't sign up for a race then I don't think I challenge myself all that well on my own. And then the other thing is that I feel like there are other types of fitness that I'd like to get into but I don't have the time with making sure to "get my runs in." And I hate that running would be something that stresses me out. It always used to be more my panacea than my reason for panicking. I don't even know what I feel I have to prove. Like, do I want to be someone that can boast about running 5 miles anytime? Do I have to run 4 days a week to feel like a real athlete? Will I feel accomplished when I consistently run 10 minute miles or run a certain number of races in a year? I'm just struggling to find the answers to these questions.
I know different people run for different reasons: some to push themselves, some to justify their gluttonous eating habits, some for the accomplishment of one more race. I think that if I were to be honest with myself I do it to be healthy. And I think someone who can run 3 miles a couple of times a week is probably pretty damn healthy. Maybe that's enough for me. And of course what is "enough" for me changes over time.
I think I also feel scattered with my time and working overtime and being crunched for free time. Plus, it's summer and that means traveling and vacations. It's hard to keep a consistent schedule. Sometimes I might make it to the gym 3 times in one week and only run for 90 minutes altogether. I want to be able to feel good about that and not feel "Oh darn I'm so far off the mark if I think I want to run a 6 mile race in three weeks."
That's one part of it. The other is that I'd like to be more consistent with yoga. I also want to try other stuff, whether it's dancing or pilates. Running is just one way to move your body through space. I think the beauty of the human body is the myriad ways we have to move. We can jump and bend and swoosh and splash and sway and waltz and kick and flip and contort and stretch and reach up and down and over and twist. Maybe I just need some time to explore my body in other dimensions. I'm sure I'll never stray too far from running. I never really do. It's the one constant to which I can always return.
2 comments:
I think you should listen to your body. If you have a day where you feel like running, then great. Go for it! If you want to dance or walk or do hot yoga then do that. I know it does take some advance planning, but especially during the summer it is good to enjoy whatever type of movement your time and body allow and not stress over it, but just really enjoy it. I am working on doing this too :)
-emily
I think this is a really good entry; people with writing talent can make you feel that you really understand what they are feeling. I think whatever it is you do, you should do it beacuse you're being what you want to be, and doing what you want to do. Not what others think, or even what you think you SHOULD be doing. Corney, I know, but follow your heart. And yes, maybe it's a combination of all the things above, yoga, running, weights, whatever, like Emily said. You don't HAVE to be, or do anything that you don't feel in your heart. Life's too short!
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